I go back too T today. THe past week has been hard, theres been no where to hide within myself and kid myself that I was fine without T, yes of course I survived, but the feelings were struggling...one thing I felt last night was that its important not to forget the struggle this week and turn on my "im great" mode just because I've got what I so badly wanted all of this week, T...that is something I sort of do, I leave behind all the pain and struggles I've gone through becuase T is back and this time it feels as if that would be an abandoment all of those feelings...Perhaps this is kind of an intergration...Funny its also a re-enactment of my mothers emotional life...she would be mean and hurtful then all of a sudden when something had gone her way, she'd be the full of sunshine and I'd be left wondering what wa what, and how come she can hurt me one minute then completley forget it the next and I had no way to help those feelings that had experienced the pain and suffering..but today I do...I am not disowning them like I use to have too...its not T that has changed and its not the wrong T that comes back today...its been my insides that have been re-enacting the changing mother and believing when T isn't thre..that the "good" mother isn't there and I too keep the "good" mother like that, abandoned my own pain and put on the happy face...