Thank you all for the support.

I am very grateful for all the responses.

It does seem to be my life story - I am nothing and nobody with nothing important to say. No matter what I do it always ends up the same. Rather than shooting peanuts in a gallery, I would rather shoot myself in the foot it seems. Go to great lengths to have it confirmed by some all powerful beings. Do my best to sabotage any good views that anyone may accidently have of me. I'm about to resign from my current job simply because it's going well! I've done this many times before. And so it is always that way.