@RDMercer, I am sorry you're feeling so low.

I will be blunt though: you are being abused by your wife, and have been for a very long time. I said this to you long ago in one of your other threads. She is just downright abusive to you - deflecting, gaslighting, blaming and turning the tables all around, putting you down, yelling and insults? These are ALL emotional and verbal abuse tactics.

To give you some sense of hope: I left my abusive husband and I am SO much happier now. I feel at peace for the 1st time in 5 years. I feel truly happy and more like myself again for the 1st time in 5 years. I am coming alive again - and my happy cells within my body are now opening up - I feel all lit up inside... I am glowing and it's because I finally decided I had to take care of myself, regain my sanity and get out of the negativity I was feeling all the time. And it feels AMAZING.

So, I want to encourage you on your path - it hurts now and sucks now and for a while to come yet, but the light IS at the end of the tunnel. You will be free of abuse, which I cannot emphasize ENOUGH, is SO freeing and SO empowering.

And to give you some advice that has worked well for me with my abuser: I would limit your conversations with her to only be as necessary. I would draw a boundary and tell her that you will not discuss your relationship any further. It's over and you are divorcing. This will protect you emotionally from her attacks & blame tactics- and this is what you must do for yourself in order to feel better. Be guarded and protect yourself. Stop giving - the relationship is over and the dynamic is changing. You are no longer her caretaker and you don't need to give her gifts that she won't appreciate anyways. SET LIMITS.

If you do these things, you will be far better off and will feel healthier too.

Wishing you well.