Sadly in addition to being an abuser your wife played a role of incapacitated helpless creature for most of her adulthood (you were supposed to fill up her gas? 16-year olds fill up their own gas. It’s not rocket science).

Yes it’s going to cost you. And that’s what many people like her count on. A nice guy will feel too guilty leaving such helpless person and he’s go broke supporting himself, kids, household and now her. So many stay put for those reasons.

Date night? She can’t be serious.

As about why she’s this way. We can’t determine online but it sounds like she’s a typical addict with untreated addiction and some other untreated mental illness, in addition she has entitled attitude and likes to play a victim regurgitating how everyone does her wrong: that’s a character flaw.

You can’t fix her. You might have to live modestly after divorce. That’s just money. But you’ll be free of abuse