I was 25 when my aunt, my mom's younger sister shot and killed herself at the age of 60. I knew then that 60 wasn't "old," but it seemed like an understandable age to die if you absolutely must. Her suicide hurt me badly and I still miss her so much. I have thoughts of going to the ocean on my 60th birthday in two months and just walking into the water and disappearing. I thank the Universe I have the cats to anchor me to earth, since there is only me to care for them and they deserve the best. There were 2 people in my past who I was so in love with, but now one is married and the other is back in his native country. I feel I let them slip through my fingers too easily. I left both of them. I often wonder about the choices I've made.