My Support Forums - View Single Post - Bipolar check-in #70

Fuzzybear · Oct 25, 2022, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

Possible trigger:

I was 25 when my aunt, my mom's younger sister shot and killed herself at the age of 60. I knew then that 60 wasn't "old," but it seemed like an understandable age to die if you absolutely must. Her suicide hurt me badly and I still miss her so much. I have thoughts of going to the ocean on my 60th birthday in two months and just walking into the water and disappearing. I thank the Universe I have the cats to anchor me to earth, since there is only me to care for them and they deserve the best. There were 2 people in my past who I was so in love with, but now one is married and the other is back in his native country. I feel I let them slip through my fingers too easily. I left both of them. I often wonder about the choices I've made.

Trigger

Much love to you. I can relate to some of this (in particular the loss of a relative when I was very young who was a lovely person who I miss). I have papa bear to anchor me to this earth, he deserves the best. I wondered when I read your other post about going to the ocean on your 60th birthday (I have had thoughts of walking into the water and disappearing, I don't think so much linked to any particular age) I sometimes think of a couple of former boyfriends who I left (or was not ''allowed'' to contact, in that case I was under 17 - he was not ''allowed'' to contact me either) (I was very young though, in both cases, too young to commit to anyone especially given... something..) (not ''something'' about me, but the level of deceit in the family....)