Hi ginniesky,
I understand having a hard time accepting this disorder. It feels rather unbelievable at times. My T said different parts believe different things about it. When I was first diagnosed, I tried everything to prove that I did NOT have DID. Some parts apparently still hold that thought.

For me it even depends on the day. I go back and forth. I have even told T, I'd rather be crazy than have DID but T says DID is better to have because it's treatable.

It's definitely nothing to be ashamed of but I so understand that feeling. The fact of the matter is that your brain is very smart and creative to be able to cope with stuff that one shouldn't have had to cope with. I do a lot of tap dancing so people won't know that I am so clueless at times. I've always done this but I didn't realize the extent of why I was doing it. I thought it was just to cover the fact I didn't have any memory of whatever they were talking about.

Does your T have experience in dissociative disorders and/or eating disorders? I first went to a therapist for an eating disorder. I had no idea about the DID. My T said the eating disorder part will take care of itself as I heal. Plus, for me, it's hard to work around behaviors that I have no memory of the before or after and oftentimes the during.

Do you journal? I find that helps me a lot. I have computer journals and paper journals as some parts do not seem to know how to use the computer (and some only seem to draw). I take them to T every week and that really has helped us.

Take care. We're glad you're here.