Yes, CCL, it's that simple. Good news: it's like riding a bicycle, it all comes back as soon as you get back on the bike.

In the throws of agony in relation to our illness, it is hardest to recall what that activity really is. When I was in my break down, I couldn't recall a single thing about love which I had thought was my entire reason to live. Eventually, my reconnection to it was to lovingly take myself in hand and capitulate fully to the process of getting help. It was my expression of love for myself that enabled me to allow everything in my world to lapse while I received that help.

That's a lot like your situation it seems to me. You have this steady erosion happening in so many areas, and the cycling won't let up, and relationships are failing, the pit is yawning before you. Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do for ourselves is to let it fall, drop back and punt. (sqrl is shocked to see a sports metaphor come out, he doesn't even like football) What i mean is, fully embracing a system of healing which may mean a steady diet of therapy, a meds regimen, and maybe even a hospital stay. What ever it takes. If you look inside yourself with all the love you can muster, you will see what that course is for yourself. That part of you that is separate from all the pollution of cycles etc, speaks the language of love and will respond when you offer it.

You are in as deep a struggle with bipolar as anyone can be in. Your love for yourself is one of the things that will save you. You feel like you forgot how to love yourself, but love is an elephant and never forgets. Strike one little spark, and you will be on fire.

I'm so glad you are here, and trying so hard. I admire that in you so very much.