I hope advice is ok here, whether you find any of it helps you or not, i don't know.
Have you tried meet up groups to find more friends where you live? Are you happier alone or with other people around? It sounds a bit like you enjoy your own company but sometimes need some support, at least a friend that supports you the same as you would them. I'm introverted, and sometimes people think i'm being 'stuck up' but it's because I love my privacy but also only like to have one or two close friends... Have you ever tried some medications for anxiety or depression? I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.