Either we split up our things between ourselves, or the judge will, so we have to do it ourselves. A necessary evil in all of this.

He called me breaking down and bawling this morning. Something told me to pick up the phone, so I did. He was asked to leave work because he broke down crying in front of a customer. He was a complete mess, talking about us and his mom, and I didn't know what to say.

With my permission, he came over during my lunch break to take more of his things from my apartment. He can hardly walk because he's in so much back pain, unless he is exaggerating that to make me feel sorry for him.

Then as he was leaving, he broke down again crying, saying he is not ok, that he is utterly destroyed from all of this and from losing his mother at the same time. He apologized yet again for all our recent fights and for "not being himself". He again tells me we could have worked things out.

After he left, I broke down in tears. I feel inhumane. But I am protecting myself, and I must be without him for my own mental health, sanity, peace of mind and happiness.

The $200 lock change fee is too much for me since I have to afford the lawyer, which may cost me $750. We're splitting the fees and his lawyer (hopefully) will function as a mediator representing both of us. We had agreed to split the legal fees. And, now I must afford my apt rent and bills by myself, which cuts deeply into my wallet.