I found your comments about the "I'm Great" mode incredibly interesting. This post has trigger a lot of questions--I wish could just jump in to cyberspace and discuss it with you.

Here's a question for ya. The pattern of abandoning of the stressful/painful/irrational feelings after you've successfully endured a triggering event (in your case- absence of your T). Is this always a bad thing to do? Isn't this what people are telling you to do when they say stuff like, "You survived, get over it. "Put your worries and struggles behind you." 'Don't let anything keep you down for long."

This I'm Great mode is difficult for me too. Mainly because when I am feeling good, I really do seem to forget where I've been emotionally. This makes it very hard for me to talk about and get insight on where these emotions actually come from. Kind of like, well if I'm not actually feeling them now, they must not have been that bad or must not be a real problem.

Wow, I having a Jeckyill and Hyde parent really does suck for a kid! I never thought about it from the child's perspective before. Thank you Mouse!

You make me wonder if I'm accidentally re-enacting this in my own way and sending my kids the same mixed messages-- "Damn, Mom's on her broom... time to duck and cove. "Whoe...OK now she's off it and approachable again.", "What's up with that?", "Was it something I did?","What fixed her?", "Did I do it?" .... I really hope I'm not putting my kids through the same ********.

Eventually as a kid living in a house like this, I think I finally got to the point of ..."WHATEVER, he's just a f*ed up a$$hole...,look where all the worrying and wondering has gotten mom...I DO NOT want to be like her!...Stop worrying about it.... Just stay away from them as much as possible and don't think about it." Maybe this is where my cold, uncaring personality was born.

BTW, Your other post, the one about your brother not seeing your stepmother the way you did because he was the good child, was also very interesting. I didn't experience that issue personally but my kids are experiencing it. God, this is another issue I'd just love to sit and casually talk with someone who's been there about. Oh, yeah I do have someone to chat about this with...MY T!...That is if I can remember the feelings this post evoked ... and then of course actually open my mouth.

Mouse... I really just wanted to say.. very interesting reflection... thanks for sharing it.