Dear T,
Sorry for my freakout email about the change to your invoicing code. I just went down a spiral with that one... I really appreciate your replying this afternoon instead of waiting until tomorrow morning. This part of me wishes you were warmer in your response, but reading it again, you were just being honest about the reasons, while also confirming that it wasn't about me, which is what I had asked for. So dunno exactly what I would have wanted, like what would have made it better?

I really think some of this was the contrast of feeling connected and validated in session and your "take care" with the handshake when I left, followed by my thought of (platonically) "I love you" as I was walking out the door vs. getting a bunch of invoices with a code inexplicably changed. I guess you had changed it recently and I hadn't noticed. But it was just jarring, I guess. Especially thinking of Wednesday, when you seemed in no rush to get me to leave, and it hit nearly an hour, how maybe you partly did that because you liked talking to me, then seeing you changing the coding. And fearing a subtle message.

I think maybe I need to talk about some of that Monday. Of course, this would be on a Friday that this occurred--couldn't this have been a time when you sent all the invoices on a Sunday, so I would have been talking to you the next day? But maybe it's better that there's some time in between.

But in order to talk about this, maybe I need to address feeling more attached/connected/secure lately, and how that can scare me, such that I'm looking for signs that maybe I'm mistaken in the security, that it will go away, that you'll tire of me. And yes, I was anxious about your doctor's appt. today, too--was glad you at least confirmed that "nobody's dying."

Love,
LT