Had another session with L today. Did some deep emotional tunnel work. I admitted to her that I really need nurturing from her right now and that I fear I will lose it when she leaves. Similar happened with T and with my own mom. Besides, if I wasn't nurtured as a child, why would anyone want to nurture me as an adult? I feel like she won't be the same when she leaves. She doesn't seem to grasp the gravity of some things. Like when she got married, she thought it just meant signing a paper to give each other rights. I had to point out that if it was so literal, why was she having a second wedding/party with her loved ones? Anyways...

I'm really struggling holding the both/and again. And I'm the one that convinced her to take this leave!!! I'm glad I did. She needs to. AND it hurts me so much. I just fear that I'll be too much for her. Why would she want to come back to me? A needy, clingy, childish adult?