Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
Validation involves much more than simply verbally agreeing with what someone has done.
A deeper, more meaningful, and more helpful concept of validation involves validating the person, whatever they decide, through understanding, compassion, acceptance, support, nonjudgment.
The following comments are all validating. Notice that none of these comments involve approving of some decision that the person has made.
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I'm here for you.
Call me anytime.
I'm so sorry for your pain.
Can you tell me more about what you are feeling?
What is going through your mind right now?
It sounds like you are trying to figure out what is best for your children.
These are hard decisions.
You still can see some good in your boyfriend.
It sounds like you are afraid that if you leave, you will be alone for the rest of your life.
Of course you are worried about what you can afford on your own.
It's scary to stay, but also for you it sounds scary to leave.
I know you can figure out what is best.
I have confidence in you.
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This is an excellent post in my opinion. In practice for most of us it’s not instinct to hold back from judging. But our judgement is just that - our judgment no one else’s. Even if it comes from a place of care judgement is often not what’s needed when someone is coping with complex situations.
Most people need time to process in their own way and come to their own decisions- only they can do this. Validation such in the way Bill describes can play a part by giving someone the space and the reflection to process their thoughts.