Last night I went out by myself. I went to hear a band, sat by myself and didn't speak with a single soul all night. A friend was supposed to show up, but he showed up just as I had decided to leave.

It was a fairly lonely experience. And I realize today that this is my new life without him. Being lonely and single again. On the flip side, I want to relish in my newfound independence that is free of abuse and control over me. I am generally a very free spirited and independent person who does whatever I want. But reality is sinking in, and I know this is going to be tough on me.

I feel slightly depressed over this. I don't want him back and I will never turn around and tell him I want him back. There's no going back now and I don't want to go back.

But loneliness is HARD.