Chaotic, I've never taken notice of people who say "get over it", I found that a whole lot when I was in AA, I found that to be very unvalidating. T always says you survived but not in a way that disrepects what I did have to go through. ITs been myself that has turned my back on that part of me that struggles. Its been me abandoning my inner child and I guess this is the first time I've not just "dumped" her like I was and wanted to value where her pain comes from..It hurts and its difficult to deal with these emotions, but it does make me more whole when I continue living alongside my pain and not find ways to rid myself of it, ie, drink, drugs or false humour. I hope this has answered your question.

Your other point about do we effect our kids, well yeah I think I most proberbly have and the difference between them and my childhood is I'm willing to be open with them and listen to them if they have problems and I never dismiss their experience unlike how my adoptive mother did with mine..

I wasn't in a good way during the session today, I told T I feel like a sentence has been passed in my inner kingdom and the sentence is guilty and I am to be found and sentenced to death for my crime of being me.

T said that it must have felt that way growing up when any emotions shown by me were quashed until I became completely passive, which would have felt like an emotional murder/death...