I have decided to accept my fate, though I would not want anyone else to have my experience. That will not decrease my physical pain, but will make make me feel less frustrated and less restless, which is also quite a lot. I will have to take painkiller(s) and tolerate the physical pain when it happens and as long as it lasts. When I feel exhausted I will have to rest, no other way out.

Also I plan to get more involved with my rescue animals and my garden. I hope this will make my life a little meaningful to me.