I'm so sorry you are in such a dark place, lucky. Please reach out for the help you need in whatever way you can. (I know something of how you're feeling having made 2 attempts on my own life in the past.) One thing I think I can say is it's sometimes not as easy to die as one might think. And so I think it may be correct your dog may die and you may not. But neither of you needs to die. There are always other options. You may not be able to see them right now. There they're there. Please seek help. My best wishes to you... and your doggie as well...