I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. The collapse of a marriage that has lasted for years is a sad affair. In this case, your wife has caused you additional pain by her hard-hearted manner. She sounds to me like a selfish person. I base that on her pushing you out of the house, when she should have been the one to leave. It sounds like she doesn't like to be inconvenienced. I'm glad you are back in your house. I'm glad you got a lawyer and that your material interests were protected.

You've handled this well. Right now you are in grief. There is no shortcut through that. Two years ago, I lost the man I had loved for years to cancer. For a while I didn't even want to live. I'm here to tell you that time does heal. Now I can look at pictures of him and smile. You may never get to where remembering her will make you smile, but you can recover from the sense of loss you feel now. First of all, you've been getting by without her love for a long time already . . . for years. All you had was an illusion, but you took some comfort in that. Her presence in the home did provide some modicum of companionship, which is gone. Living alone can be tough. I'm glad you have family and friends that really seem to be there for you. Keep spending time with others. I like your idea of a Christmas vacation, if that won't feel too lonesome to you.

The big challenge you're struggling with now is your concern about her involvement with this male co-worker. You wonder when it started and what she finds so attractive in him. When there are things we don't know, we tend to fill in the blanks with stuff from our imagination. You imagine the two of them having all this joy together that you wish was yours. You have to stop that. They don't know each other yet. Not really. I don't care if they've been co-workers for 20 years. He sees what she lets him see. A woman who's done what she's done, in the way she's done it, is a pretty cold fish. You need not envy any man who gets involved with her. Her not loving you is not about you not being lovable enough. I think it's about her not being a very loving person. She can create an illusion, but that doesn't last. In years to come you'll catch wind of how her approach to life works out. She's got some serious problems ahead.

Meanwhile, you're free of being stuck in what became a farce of a marriage. How interesting that she'ld been hoping you'ld be the one to leave. She's been a conniver. That's why I say her approach to life is disturbed and going to lead to problems. You sound like a decent guy who gives a lot. There are women out there who'ld like to meet you.

Don't rush into another relationship, but be available to that possibility. I understand you missing the two dogs. Maybe get another dog who is all yours. Maybe get two. (So each has a companion when you're not home.) You only have to get through one day at a time. Don't entertain thoughts about her and this other guy. Live your life. Potentially, your best days may be ahead of you.