Just going through a lot in my mind at the moment. And this has come up.

I don’t understand what I am doing anymore. I go to therapy regularly and I guess there’s always been some sort of expectation from myself or my therapist that things/I would get better. But it’s been so long now, I don’t have any foresight of things ever getting better anymore

I started thinking about this and like, I don’t know what “better” is. Because I’ve never had anything good. Like, emotionally neglected through childhood, moved out young and struggled through to now. There’s no sunshine and rainbows.

So I guess, I’ve lost sight of what I’m actually trying to achieve by treating my depression with medications or therapy. Because I don’t know what better looks like. I don’t know what I “should” what my life to be like because I honestly just don’t want to hear at all.

This is spinning me out.

Anyone else?