Ex-T didn't allow hugs for me for a long time (though she said at one point she allowed them for other clients--I just had too much maternal transference, which felt shaming). She eventually allowed them on occasion, if it was a particularly difficult session or before a break or holiday. It felt nice, but I sort of wish they could have been a regular session-ender, and I never knew how much would be "too much."

Ex-MC and current T (Dr. T) don't hug clients, which I'm generally OK with. Both shake hands (ex-MC with everyone and Dr. T only if a client specifically says they want that). I know handshakes probably seem businesslike compared to hugs, but with ex-MC, he used to shake at both the start and the end of a session (until he moved offices). I found it to be very grounding and calming, particularly if I was anxious going into session. Or at the end, if it had been a difficult one. He'd nearly always say "It was good to see you" with them, which felt nice.

With Dr. T, we shook hands at the end of each session prepandemic, then we were virtual for a long time (well, a brief few-week in-person stint in Summer 2021), then have been mostly in person since around March of this year. Initially, he made it clear that handshakes weren't allowed (due to Covid, even though we me unmasked--we did sit 6 feet apart though). Then I asked if he'd be willing at some point to start handshakes again (offering to sanitize first and even wear a mask). He said he'd think about it, and...nothing. Finally, in September, it was the 5-year anniversary of my starting therapy with him, and I asked if we could then. He agreed, and it was nice. I wasn't sure if it was just going to be a one-off, but we've continued the handshaking since then.

I had explained to him when I asked about it earlier this year the meaning it had for me. That even if I'd talked about something very shameful during session (or something that might have made him uncomfortable, like if I mentioned transference toward him), his still being willing to physically touch me at the end felt healing in a way. It also feels connecting and grounding to me. I know it's not the same as a hug, but I almost feel I get more from touching hand to hand (I'm not much of a hugger in general).