Yes, I'm real sorry you're having to go through this awful suffering darkfeary, I don't have the answers unfortunately.😔🙏

I've very much been through dark troubling times myself, but things have gradually changed for the better in my case, thankfully, but I don't really know how or why. Life is a complex and mysterious thing. All of the doctors and mental health people told me from the outset though, that there was no guarantee of being 'cured' so, I was aware of that.

There's a common belief in the culture, in society, that if you just do x, x, x, and x, then all will be well. But that's not true for a lot of people. It's an inexact science.

My mindset through my darkest days (years) though, was to keep trying, keep going, endure, endure, endure, and try not to lose sight of my principles and coping tools, therefore things must improve; my reasoning being that things always change and, here, they could not possibly get worse, unless I opted to...you know...but I didn't necessarily view that as getting worse at all.

Anyway darkfeary, I fully relate to your sufferings, you're trying, you're enduring, you're reaching out, 18 years yes, and I just want you to keep going with hope and vision in your heart, that's really all.😔🙏🌻🌻