I was in an intensive therapeutic program from the time I was 16-18. I connected too well with the therapist I had in that program, and in short, fell deeply in love with him. We ended our therapeutic relationship about a year and a half ago because I aged out of the youth program. I held onto hope that we could always rekindle things. Maybe I deluded myself, but I felt like he cared about me genuinely. I was hoping that I could start seeing him again if he ever worked somewhere else, or that I would at least run into him in the community once in a while (I had once before).

However, those hopes have been crushed, because I just found out he moved from California to Indiana, basically across the country. I will be honest, I'm guilty of internet stalking him. I would look on his FaceBook from time to time, but I didn't see anything on there about him moving. It wasn't until I looked up his license and saw that it expired in California almost a year ago. I thought it was weird that he would let it expire, he was fresh out of college and still working on getting his required hours to work in private practice.

I didn't want to believe it, but I wondered if it was possible that he moved out of state and that's why he wasn't licensed here anymore. Googling his name, I was able to find his info on White Pages, where his most recent address in Indiana popped up. I looked his name up on the license search for that state, and yep, a renewed license under his name showed up for the state of IN. I'm heartbroken, he's gone, across the country.

Luckily, I have an appointment with my new T on Tuesday which I badly need because honestly, I'm not okay. I haven't talked about my love for my old T before, but I think I'm going to have to confess it to my new T and start the process of healing. In one way, at least this kind of forces me to move on, because now I know I will never see him again, but it also hurts, SO BAD. I am obsessed, almost stalker-obsessed. I know that's not good, but it's the truth.

I think I'm going to take myself out for a self-care day today, maybe get some new clothes, because even though it sounds stupid, because in reality him moving has nothing to do with me, I am still so upset because I deeply love him.

If anyone has any nice words to say, I would appreciate it. It could help me cope while I wait to talk about this at my next session with new T. Please be kind, I know that my love/obsession is a problem, but I can't control my feelings.

If anyone else has a story about falling in love or becoming obsessed with your T, I would be interested in hearing it and how you started moving on. I know I can't be the only one who developed inappropriate feelings in a very vulnerable situation.

Stay well, my friends <3