Well, here's where we are today. She straightened up for a month for no reason, then started sneaking drinks again yesterday (bought a handle of Vodka at Trader Joe's). She kept me up all night pacing the house listening to music - I work at a hospital, and am on-call this week - so you can imagine the sleep deprivation I'm on right now. I need to vent to get my head straight.


I have since put a door lock on the one room where all my stuff is. She broke 2 guitars (I fixed them both) and threatened me physically with my cordless drill this morning. I notified her parents again of her drinking complete with a text including the vodka bottle. According to her, her parents "recovered the $5000 for her mental health" as a result. She's going to find before too long she has nobody to turn to if that's true. THis whole nightmare kicked off last year with a "suicide attempt" when she took some pills from an ex-bandmate's girlfriend that she was still friend's with (I was in the band, not her), and got committed to an asylum after the hospital I worked at failed to hold her for 72 hours. After that, her car got totalled - the whole situation was really shady and weird, almost seemed like corrupt cops mixed with her drinking (she did not take a breathalyzer test and wishes they had - which is one of her "covers" is to say "I wish I had a drink" if I call her on it, or "That cop never tested me, WTF?"). I bought her better used car with the insurance money - when we divorce, which is what I'm starting down the path over again today, she gets to keep it. I'm happy with my older truck that's solid and reliable.


ADHD is what she says she's been diagnosed with. She's currently on Sertraline for sleep, Propranolol (as a "placebo" or so she says), Zoloft, and some kind of ADHD medication. For a time she improved taking it, now she does not take it consistently - usually because she's been drinking. That's how I have found out. Her "reasons for drinking "Change constantly, one minute it's because of her parents, next minute my parents, then me, then how I don't sleep with her anymore (it's kind of hard to be attracted to someone this erratic - it's not sexy at all). Part of how I can tell when she's bought vodka is all of her symptoms come back because she's not taking her medication on a consistant schedule. She's also on water pills for her liver - which yo-yos because she starts drinking again, gets ascities and sometimes jaundice, sometimes needing paracentesis at the hospital, then goes back home, stays off the booze for awhile, gets thin and fit, acts normal, and then starts it all over again.

Sometimes it feels like the utilizes her alcoholism as a form of manipulation. She used to constantly claim she was a "master manipulator" - I though she was joking - apparently it should have been a red flag and she for once in her life told the truth.


Right now - the main two things I need to do is get a separate bank account from our joint one, as that's where she's getting money for alcohol, I know that "divorce" can take from any new accts, but this is more for the alcoholic problem. Yesterday I had to take out a $300 signature loan because our grocery bills are more expensive than they should be for what she bought - even WITH inflation. Then I need to get storage for my personal stuff I don't want damaged/lost/stolen/pawned/whatever other stupid **** the woman might do. I already have a padlock, and I don't have much I intend to keep - in a way, I want to "clean house" a bit in all of this and get ready to be a hermit the rest of my life. I'm done with love.