This is so confusing right now.

My oldest is a couple years older than I've let on before. He is out of high school and is working now. He's a good young man.

My wife is clear, she wants to fix up the house and part ways in April.

Our son has been so, so upset for months now. He is avoiding being home. Being home affects him physically, as he becomes sick to his stomach. Yesterday he told me he needed to know fully what is going on. Specifically, he wanted to know if he and I could get a place together and share costs for a few years. He says he knows I will need financial support, that my income won't cover two households.

He said, he needs to have a plan to feel like he is moving forward because otherwise the depression and anxiety is becoming overwhelming. If I can't help him define a plan, then he has to start thinking about building one with his girlfriend, but he doesn't think moving in together at such a young age is a good idea.

What should I have done? What would you have done in my situation?

I told him I don't want to get divorced. I told him that if me and mom are staying together, big things have to happen in a short period of time. I told him I am thinking and planning more than I am telling him. I would like to see things change and us all stay together as a family BUT I also can't be suddenly without a plan if she sticks to her plan to leave in April. I told him I am depressed about this, but that I am figuring out how to support him and his siblings if mom leaves, because we need stability. If we stay together, part of what has to change is that Mom has to show a strong effort towards the kids, because I can't expect the kids to swallow all this and not be validated by their mom. Mom has said and done some hurtful things towards the kids.

My son disclosed some of this to his mom, and she accused me of: turning the kids against her, building alliances and dividing the family, building a plan to leave while pretending to want to stay together, telling me I am not co-parenting with her, and I am not treating her like a partner. There's no hope for any future because she can't trust me with anything.

And this is the thing.... All those things have a some truth in them. I am doing all those things, and I feel immense guilt about it. But I didn't create this situation.

I can't end up homeless because of it, and I can't leave a very young man with no place to go, and risk him making a desperate decision. HE MATTERS TOO. I can't end up in a way that the kids don't have stability.

It's like... there's truth to so much of what she says to me and the faults she finds with me, and it is completely removed from any greater context. Her contribution, the things she did to cause me to HAVE to speak to our son like that, that doesn't matter. She is totally blameless.

RDM