I'm not very familiar with your situation. That said, and forgive me if I'm overstepping boundaries - what is the reason you're talking to your children about their mother? Are you trying to encourage your children to take your side, or "see" your side of things? If so, doing that is neither wise nor fair. Please. Please stop asking your children to take sides against their mother. If you're listening to them - great. If you're telling them - no, just no.
Frankly, I've seen a lot of men post on this forum about how rotten their marriage has become and almost all of it is their wife's fault. I've been married for 40 years and in my experience it really does take two to tango. A lot of wives take the blame for finally becoming bitter and resentful, or for seeking out other relationships, after they've put up with hurt and neglect from their husbands for years.
And I would be very cautious about the "leave your abusive wife right now" advice. Perhaps it's a smart step to take - but maybe it is not. No one but you really knows.
Just some quick thoughts.
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