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Nov 05, 2022, 08:52 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nammu
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Beth I hated that peoples first impression of me was sexual. I wanted to be known for my wit and smarts. Instead I got dismissed at first. Then when they listened to me they were so surprised. Gaining weight on AP was actually a relief in many ways. When I was manic I acted on it but then when I crashed the guys were all wanting more and I was not interested.
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Ooooh, I sure do understand that, Nammu! When my older sisters would ask me (tell me) about needing to be more of a flirt I didn't know how to explain to them that I wanted to be taken seriously, for my intelligence. But none of that. I was 5'6" and built like a model. And cute. And guys (and some girls, even straight ones) gave me a lot of attention. More than I wanted, oftentimes, and for the wrong reason. Except I was incredibly naive; I thought people perceived the "real me" and appreciated that me -
until I was on Seroquel for years and gained weight. Suddenly, doors were dropped in my face and men looked through me like I was invisible (except tattoo artists, who appreciate people for their skin, not for their weight).
Then - OH! - I understood why I had received SO MUCH attention all those years. It hurt, that recognition. It still hurts. Burns. It still hurts because at age almost-60 I am still attractive, stylish, friendly, and DO have a strong sex drive. I haven't made peace with it all, yet. Work in progress.
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