We are not in family therapy. We are each in individual counselling.

I requested, repeatedly in the past year, that we all go to family counselling. My wife refused. She has felt that I have turned the kids against her. I would not go with the kids without her because that would solidify to her that we are polarized and not unified. My goal has always been to keep her and be a family.

Again, I understand how she feels like that. I have worried about saying anything negative, ever, about their mom. I have also worried that when they came to me and asked why mom wasn't around more, why she was ignoring them, etc., that I conversely failed to validate the kids.

Our oldest has received some of mom's anger too, and has dealt with the moving target arguments. He won't be alone around her anymore because he's scared of how she will misinterpret or misrepresent things he says or does.

Things reached that point back in February. It culminated with him asking his mom to stop the car, and he got out and walked the last mile to home.

As my wife has been "caught" more and more, things have escalated here, and her behavior has been more "off".

When I say "caught", I mean, for example, presenting to her the things that were going on at the start of Covid, and she couldn't deny them. She threw the p0rn card at me, and I acknowledged it, but walked past it. I mean, me saying she can't spend 30+ hours a week on the phone with her friends in the evening because it impedes on our family, her denying it and me showing her the phone bill records. I mean, my oldest saying to her the very same things I had been saying behind closed doors then getting out of the car.

There has been increasing deflection and self victimization whenever she is caught in a fact.

Example - the Sunday night accusation of me not doing enough. Me pointing out all I did, and it being re-told as if I tore her apart for how much I was doing and how little she was doing. Any neutral comment I make to counter her fault finding is regarded as an attack on her.

She wasn't like this.