It's my oldest that doesn't want to be alone with mom, because he is scared that what he says will be misinterpreted or misrepresented. He gets up early, leaves, comes home to eat and shower, hides in his room or the garage, then goes out for the evening with friends every day.

Back in the first week of September is when the kids had a big blow-out with her, and when I voiced my concerns about her drinking actually affecting her thinking. She stopped, first day.

She may have 2 drinks a week since then.

That is another reason why I didn't see it as alcoholism.

The kids are looking to me for stability and a plan.

IT HAS MATTERED TO ME TO NOT "SPLIT" OUR FAMILY AND TURN THEM AGAINST THEIR MOM. THIS IS KILLING ME. I'VE BEEN PLACED IN A SITUATION WHERE I HAVE TO CHOOSE, AND AM QUESTIONING ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING I EVER SAID TO THE KIDS THAT MAY HAVE CAUSED THIS, AND ALSO QUESTIONING THAT I DIDN'T VALIDATE AND SUPPORT THEM MORE.

Last night the youngest told me.... I'm not living with Mom. Weekends, and visits for sure, but not living. You're the one that makes meals, gets me to the bus, and does homework with me. Mom doesn't deserve to get more money for me living with her when you do so much to look after us.

The day she told the kids she was divorcing me was when my oldest first asked to get a place and share costs with me, so that the rest of us would have some stability.

This stuff from them is UNPROMPTED.

Back in August me and youngest went on a road trip, and the kid cried for hours in the car about stuff they were seeing Mom do, and how they felt. Again, UNPROMPTED.

My wife talks about my relentless arguments late at night with her. I asked her what we argued about. She won't tell me, just that I tore her apart for hours. I said, we argued about where we lived, her career, her issues with schooling, her issues with my family, and a ton of other stuff that was an issue for her. She agrees we argued about those things. I've asked; why would I bring up those topics, and since I get up at 6:15 every day, why would I pick late night fights?

So that has become our history, revised. I apparently picked all those late night fights about topics that she had issues with. WTF.

Last year the oldest kid asked me to sleep in a different room because the fighting was too emotionally damaging for them and affecting their health, and preventing sleep. I asked my oldest what he was hearing. He said, Dad, you are louder, and you get defensive. But it's always her coming at you for something, and her cussing you out.