Update 1: Five minutes ago I was hearing a hateful voice and tried to expel it. As I type this now I'm going through non stop sneezing spells. Same thing happened yesterday.

Update 2: I feel like I'm going through the chrysalis stage turning into a butterfly. Two days ago while driving to my mom & dad's I suddenly had an overwhelming feeling of being the person I was several decades ago. It was such a happy feeling of freedom, but it was the weirdest feeling ever. It felt like I've been asleep for decades. I was then hit hit with the overwhelming realization that this was true happiness and that it is possible to be that happy again. I spent the night at mom & dad's. It was hot and couldn't fall asleep so I got up and was walking around in the pitch dark living room and suddenly was hit was the overwhelming feelings of how I felt when I was a young child exploring a new world. It felt so amazing and joyous!

A lifetime study of my life experiences has brought me to the most important discovery that whatever sustains this reality has the need to push our buttons, if you will, for whatever reasons. It could be some type of school, idk. But one thing it doesn't seem to like is my recent realization for the need to be unattached to this reality, to not react emotionally. It's like it feeds off of pain and emotions. And then this morning it occurred to me that all of this is found in the world religions and teachings. It is the very foundations of Buddhism, foundations that are free of dogma and religion, where it teaches to not be attached. It is found in the Abrahamic religions where it teaches the devil fell from heaven and is presently the ruler of this world. I don't think our little brains can comprehend the nature of reality or what produces this reality, but we can get sense of what is happening. How one views their life doesn't have to be bad. Be in the world, but not of the world. Don't feed it. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!