Your wife treats you as though it IS a criminal trial against one person. I agree that you are a good person and that this was validated by the pastor. We all make mistakes and blunders - we're human. But to constantly throw in your face how you have failed in the marriaage, and to repeatedly refuse to give you any positive reinforcement and validation is sheer cruelty. I think you're in love with the version of the wife you saw when you first met - all an illusion of someone who has not been that person for many years. Perhaps it's even a fantasy of qualities you wanted that you thought she had. But she is an alcoholic and she treats you like dirt or the scum on the bottom of one's shoe. No matter how much compassion you can have for her difficulties, her behavior towards you is unacceptable, her treatment of you is HER responsibility and is not your fault. I know you can't think of her as an alcoholic, but she drinks excessively and every single day - she likely cannot live or exist without a bottle. And that is alcoholism.