You are going to need to figure out how to be comfortable with your independence. You seem to keep looking for other people to somehow make you comfortable, but until you know how to independently be content in your own skin, you may find yourself repeatedly falling into unsafe circumstances - emotionally and perhaps physically.

I know it is very “alone” when you find yourself without a spouse; I know that quite vividly. But I also know I am still figuring “me” out (and it’s been 18 months in my case since my husband passed). I take it slow and place becoming comfortable doing things independently way before attempting to get into relationship activities (even just with friends). Healing is not going to happen through someone else. It’s on me to find my way. I am slowly working my way into whatever this new life is, but it has to be on my terms because I plan to be okay with being on my own. No one else can make me “okay”: that’s on me.

Take the time to learn yourself again without having to be surrounded by others who, quite frankly, couldn’t care less about whether you are okay with yourself or not.