Beth,

I will turn 52 this month and low sex drive is currently on my mind as a negative. I think it is a combination of meds and unsatisfying relationships which I am not currently ready to break off because both men treat me well (it is a rather complicated story: one man knows about the other, but not vice versa). I have had men treat me horribly in the past AND I was not able to walk away, and now is the reverse situation in that they treat me well and I want out. I sometimes worry that there is something in my psychology due to upbringing, child and adolescent trauma, etc., that makes me feel attracted and attached to narcissists. But I am going off on a tangent. To your OP:

I had long periods of being hypersexual in thought/fantasy, but I did not act on it. Yes, hypomania and mania contributed. I am also a chronic migraneur (thanks god with medications it is almost a thing of the past, but I used to have pain of such level that I wished to run away from my body, and it would last for days each time). I have read that migraines are associated with a higher sex drive. And bipolar and migraines are so often comorbid. So I think neurologically there is definitely something about the combo of bipolar, migraines, and hypersexuality.

I miss hypersexuality. My last episode was exactly a year ago. At that time I went on Vraylar and somehow it was not killing my sex drive at all and I was thinking sexual thoughts literally non-stop. I also stopped sleeping (not sleeping at all) so I had to kill it off with Zyprexa. I stopped Vraylar, restarted Zyprexa and was sleeping within a day or max two, but it also killed the hypersexual ideation.

I like how you write about it: electrical energy, inspire self and others. I like all of that. I miss that. Damn.

I am able to climax from clitoral orgasms now, so that is nice, but it happens without any sexual ideation. I can just think my regular thoughts and climax, with hands or an external vibrator (I just recently, at age 51, learned to use vibrators, so I am in a land if discovery now). I wanted that, to have orgasms without sexual thoughts, because that is how I started having orgasms at age 19 (I was a very late bloomer), so I am glad this is happening and am thankful, but I miss the electrical current of attraction etc. I do miss it. Thanks for the post.