i'm cassandra or "tig" the host. and well right now you can say that for the system things are spiraling out of control.
MAY TRIGGER CAUTION

since May 22nd there have been alters coming out that i didn't know about but the other alters have. and i'm also making more. the new ones are just sitting in the dark room crying basically dealing with the emotion that i am refusing to deal with.... i haven't dealt with emotion for many years. the 22nd of may was the day that i had my abortion. and starting the 29th i have felt the way my parents have always told me i am worthless and am never going to amount to anything. i believe them see no reason why my parents would lie to me about something like that... but there are several people that are telling me they are lieing including my bf and his exwife... i don't get it though. why would my parents lie to me and these outsiders tell me the truth? there are also new ones that are doing nothing but yelling and i believe that my "surrogate" momma is telling me the truth about the fact that i am creating these new alters to deal with things that i feel i cannot handle, but i have to at least try instead of just creating the new one like i have been...

now am trying to deal with it... but am not exactly sure how to should i just go into the dark room and ask them what the problem is or ask the yelling ones to be quiet and talk calmly to me or someone "we" trust? my main fear is that if i do that i won't be able to contain what's going on inside of us. things will happen that will be completly out of my control. am not sure though don't want that to happen. i know i should leave the degrading environment that has been home to me, but am scared..... well at least there are some of us that are afraid. i haven't acctually felt emotion or anything since i was like 10. and i'm now 20... don't know wish everything would be normal with us. but i guess that's never going to happen.