Welcome to MSF, Couch hamster.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I don't know where you live or what the laws are like there. You've already received 2 replies here on MSF suggesting you seek the services of a therapist for yourself and your kids; (at least the 17-year-old. The 20-year-old is an adult & can make her / his own decisions in this regard.) And, of course, I would certainly concur with this recommendation.

I'm not a mental health professional. So all I can offer is my own lay-person's perspective regarding what you wrote. And my thinking, with regard to your situation, is that the only thing that may be of help to your partner at this point may be electroconvulsive therapy. (It was once recommended for me too.) Of course, a psychiatrist would have to be consulted in regard to this. But I think it is sometimes a treatment that can help when medications have failed. The problem is, it sounds like, your partner is unlikely to agree to something like this. And so (again, depending on the laws where you live, as well as the treatments that are available) it would likely be necessary for someone to obtain legal guardianship over your partner so they can make decisions on his behalf he is unable to make for himself. This, of course, would require the services of an attorney. (At least this would be the way things of this sort would work where I live.) This no doubt sounds like an impossibly complicated process to undertake. And it may well be. However, based on what you wrote, it sounds as though the alternative may be to simply watch your partner continue to deteriorate until he at some point takes his own life. At least this is what occurs to me regarding your post... for what it's worth... if anything. Consider it "food for thought", as the saying goes.

I hope you find the forums to be of benefit.