You're right, it's unfamiliar and takes a lot of time to get used to. So is trust. So you imagine the assistant laughing instead of feeling caring concern.

Dependency, being needy.... are some of the normal things some of us don't get to experience in childhood so they can feel very 'not right' when they come our way later.

I don't find it humiliating, but yes embarassing sometimes. But I'm determined to just let it happen and go with it, not fight it or try to short-circuit it, or push it away.

You are facing reality by staying with T and getting through the process, learning to let the unfamiliar become familiar.

I hope you talking to T or will talk to T about all the things you wrote here.