...yeah.... *those* are awful. more to the point of my fears is the other ... i was avoiding both but probably shouldn't. much as the paps are terrible, i actually am so numb i feel nothing - and of course, am dissociated. but the one i am really dreading is that which, if there is concern, leads to a mamogram..... that's the first time i've even written the word. i can't even get through just the regular. it puts me into such bad ptsd stuff. and i don't think i could get through the M. i think the alters would take over and the poor medical staff would be left with a 3 yr old snarling, hissing, spitting animal.

I'm really sorry about your mom!! =(