My concern for you is the amount of self blame you share. This is actually common in children of alcoholics along with trauma bonding.

There is often an underlying problem in individuals that become alcoholics. It can develop at surprisingly young ages so these individuals tend to be very emotionally immature. There is also a lot of denial involved including playing the victim and blaming problems on others

It’s not surprising you became more aware of how bad things really are during the pandemic It was especially hard on individuals who’s lives revolved around visiting certain hangouts where they are around others that also drink and hangout.

I noticed how it was hard on individuals that have replaced the hangout lifestyle with AA meetings. The pandemic shut all of that down and people had to find other ways to fill that need. Zoom meetings were created and then meetings outside with bonfires. And some returned to using alcohol sadly. Some think they can control their drinking but after a while they end up where they left off.

As I mentioned, there can be other underlying issues involved like a personality disorder or bipolar or ADHD and over the years I have seen different things and tons of excuses. And there is nothing you can do to fill this need in someone that has this problem. And it’s very common to get blamed as these individuals discover the power they get from playing the victim.