Well, a couple of things.

First, for Beth. You've been through a lot, and have seen more than me in your life I think. I've done a lot to protect my kids in a lot of ways, and have questioned every decision I've made. Perhaps I was too defensive in my response to you. I didn't intend to cast any shade on the experiences you were drawing from in your comments to me.

The second thing... I really began thinking and analyzing every time I may have said or done something to steer the kids towards me or away from their mother. Like... Every tone, every eye roll. Anything I did that effected their relationship and perception of their mom, because I didn't want that. I want unity.

But.... She has never acknowledged the effect of all her anger and irritability towards me on my relationship with the kids. I'm shredding myself for my contributions, and have apologized a bunch. But her hours of cursing me out behind closed doors and how THAT has effected how the kids view their dad is never spoken about. I've said things like, I'm sorry for the tone I used with your mom. It was disrepectful. I shouldn't have, and you shouldn't in your own homes. There's never been a time she's apologized to the kids for what she's said to me.

Yeah, I think I've done wrong. I also think I've accepted more blame than I should have.

And any push-back from me to say, I don't accept that blame. Let's talk about your contributions to the issues, have been met with suggestions to divorce since years. I've been coerced into accepting more and more blame.


I've posted on here when I'm basically in a period if being utterly overwhelmed and I have no other outlet.

I appreciate your concern, but when I'm not here it means I'm ok and I'm accessing real life supports.

This is really scary and uncertain, and I'm so scared to give up all the things I fought and worked for for so long.

Thanks everyone

RDM