Quote:
Originally Posted by MuseumGhost
Dear HaveHope,
I was so different from you. I NEVER missed any of the narcs that came into my life. Once I was done with them, because they had done SO much damage (and some, before they managed to get those claws and sharp teeth into me), I was extremely relieved to put as much space between us as was humanly possible---emotionally as well as physically.
I no longer held the "good times" up as any kind of elevated or cherished memories, because it had all been theater: a revolving door of falsehoods, lies, manipulation and mask-wearing.
It helped to continually remind myself of that good advice that I shared with you: We women, or anybody who has suffered emotional abuse, HAS TO LEARN to be their own best friend. Give yourself the kind of attention you wish you had from a genuinely good and caring friend. That is Step 1.
I Googled "Healing from trauma bond", and all kinds of really helpful articles came up. I really hope you will apply yourself to this healing effort.
Healing from truma bond - Google Search
As always, sent with my usual protective good wishes....xxoo |
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MuseumGhost, you're very lucky and blessed that you never missed them and never got trauma bonded to them.
And, thanks so much for the link!!
I have been reading up on the trauma bond and on how to break it.
The truth is, I am lonely, I am sad and I do miss the good parts of him. It doesn't mean I will ever go back to him, and it doesn't mean I will start dating any time soon. I am just spending a lot of time alone, and it's very hard on me. I do things by myself now - I go out by myself to concerts and to see music I like. We used to do those things together, and now I no longer have my concert-going companion. It makes it hard on me.
And my trauma bonded brain is fooling me into thinking it was better having him as a companion for these things than not. And, I realize I am contradicting myself right now - above I wrote that in truth, being his companion meant catering to him, losing myself and becoming more and more a shell of my true self. So, I recognize all of that, but still feel lonely and sad. The emptiness I feel is vast at the moment.