I can totally relate. I do a lot of self-sabotage.

I have tried (unsucessfully) time after time to get T to hate me.

I have SI'ed during the rare times when I knew I really didn't have to.

I have thrown out my medications right when they start working.

I have ignored my bills when I have had more than enough money to pay them.

It is such a vicious cycle that SUCKS. In time, I think you will learn to accept that your T cares about you. It will take time. I have been with my T for almost three yrs. and I still freak out and get annoyed with him when he offers me emotional disclosure. There is a lot of pain in being cared about-- because there is a lot of risk. In therapy, we must decide if it is a risk we are willing to take. I am finally, finally at the point in therapy in which I can say that the benefit outweighs the hurt. I have been exactly where you are at. Just stick with it. Allow yourself to be cared about. If your T is committed to you, which it seems as though she is, she will not back down.