All those lies, when I was growing up. My mum wasn't emotionally present for me, she was very distant. She didn't fight for me against my dad who was very mean and abusive in other ways.

Maybe she wasn't emotionally present even for herself.

Which is maybe why she turned on me completely when I was about 20 and cut me out (it felt like being ghosted by my own mum )

I was listening to a song which for some reason reminded me of this.

There was a conversation about ghosting on another part of the forum which also got me thinking about this...

PS is it ''normal'' or ''ok'' to put a nine month old baby (me) on sleeping pills because the baby ''kept'' crying at night when the mother left her.. weaning her. She insisted on unbroken nights... She also insisted on taking me out of nappies when I had just turned one year old as I had a ''fat tummy'' (her words)

I did love her though. Maybe I was ''horrible'' at times but I don't remember it. I only remember her anger and ''disinterest''

She was enmeshed with her sister but didn't apparently realise it.. or didn't care.

But I was on my own. It felt like I was a Ghost. No support from them, no care. One person I spoke to said she was an ''unnatural'' mother. But a ''therapist'' said... ugh. Nope. Not going there.

I thought they might change when I got married. I thought they might be happy for me.

I think it would take an adequate therapist at least five years to ''accurately diagnose'' me. I do not trust them.

Supportive replies only please. (sorry I'm a bit sensitive right now and I have had some not so nice replies elsewhere at times)

Sorry if this seems like a ''whine''. I've been trying to help a few people today and am feeling a bit tired.

I feel like deleting this. They broke my heart. I don't want to hurt Papa bear by not being... idk.