Dear T,
I have not coped well at all this afternoon. I mean, I faced lots of unexpected, last-minute obstacles, with the warning lights in my car, then being unable to figure out how to stop H's car from beeping (finally figured out the parking brake, which was not where I thought it was), but it was so down to the wire, and I was scared I wouldn't be able to get to the school safely in either vehicle. I managed and was like maybe 30 seconds late in getting D, which her teacher seemed fine about, but I was a mess at that point, then D was screaming in the car because I was letting the other people go first, as I don't know H's car well and didn't want to possibly hit someone. And then I was snapping at her.

And I was scared (still am) I'd damaged my car by somehow not screwing the gas cap on at all (I did close the door!) and fearing too much water had gotten in from the rain, crying and freaking out to H, who is recovering from surgery, which made me feel like a horribly self-centered drama queen (when I'm just stressed, I don't want to make it about me). Plus crying in front of his mom when I took D out to her car. Then I have to go back over the his mom's in an hour (in H's car) to go pick her up, when I just want to curl up in a ball. Oh, plus there was some negative feedback on my work.

My friend did a great job of talking me down, and I'm calmer now. But I seriously considered sending a brief text to you asking for support--didn't know how that would go or even when you'd see it. Or sending an email asking you to please say something tonight. I imagine you might have been OK with that (or slightly annoyed at the text, but it would have been OK).

I got a call from Subaru about the warning lights being on in my car (hi, Big Brother, aka Starlink). I was saying to my friend how it would be nice if warning lights could shoot up to our therapists, or maybe just some general therapy helpline that would call and offer support. But she made the point that maybe there would also be alerts about things I wouldn't want you to see!

I hope we can meet in person tomorrow (dependent on H being OK enough), just so I can be in a safe space for a while. Though his last surgery, this is when you had to switch to virtual at the last minute, so I hope that doesn't happen again...

Miss you and wish we could talk for a few minutes tonight, but I will do my best to not do so, as I don't want to use up my email balance already.

Love,
LT