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nonightowl · Nov 15, 2022 at 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Yeah (rain) She just said ''we aren't a close family'' when I once said something. I once told her she had hurt me, and her so so unempathic reply was ''ditto''.. I was somehow labelled as the ''bad, selfish'' person

NOPE. And I wasn't those other names abusers threw out at me either. Grrrrrrrrrrr

Sir didn't allow us to even VISIT his castle since we hadn't visited there for ''too long''. I had been thrown out years before. For once I was setting a boundary. Not letting them VIOLATE mine

Then we weren't even allowed to VISIT unless we stayed in a hotel? Their house? Massive

What do you mean by "(rain)"?

The rain emoji?

I found out many years ago my mother's idea of a "close" family was worlds away from mine. She thought it was about merely problem solving, whereas I feel it's about not just that but sharing of real feelings and thoughts. Without repercussions.

Next year I'm going to read a book called Toxic Parents---with a subtitle something like overcoming their painful legacy. I can't recall the author at the moment. When visiting their ashes (last in 2020!), I told them they sucked as parents and now I want to know WHY. It must be THEIR upbringing. But why pass on that dynamic? Did they have no self-awareness at all???!!!!!

Self-care was considered "selfish" and any "bad" or "negative" emotion was so taboo!!! "IF you can't say anything pleasant, don't say anything at all."

As an adult, I still get comments like "It's not that big of a deal" or "Get over it" or "Aren't you making a mountain out of molehill?" THEN if the tables are turned and they are struggling, how dare you say to THEM it's "no big deal".