Hey, RD,

I think I posted to an earlier thread of yours. All I can say is- wow. I could have written so much of your posts, right down to the finer details. My situation is with my husband being the dramatic/I'll one. I've questioned my own sanity more times than I can count.

My kid has also ended up involved at times, and I can honestly say that as I've thought about it, it's not as inappropriate as some people make it out to be. They are not in my shoes or yours. That's not to say that kids should be dragged into it, or told to pick sides, or anything like that. But, my kid basically lives in a house that doesn't make sense some days, and I don't want her thinking that what goes on with him is in anyway normal or acceptable. To keep her out of it completely would be very confusing for her. Very dysfunctional. She is an older teen, and things are age appropriate. I personally feel that to not give my daughters experiences a voice is to continue generational abuse and dysfunction. Again, nobody else is here in my situation or shoes o judge specifically what goes on here. The same is true with your situation.

I don't have much time, but someone on this forum posted about a book titled "The Verbally Abusive Relationship.". Whoever did that, THANK YOU! That book has given me so much insight about communication styles and why my marriage doesn't work. I still think he's got other problems, but the book helped me understand his control. The basic gyst is that while Im trying to work on having a mutual relationship, he's in a different reality where hes struggling for control over situations. He's not interested in my compromise or mutuality, he's interested in making sure things go his way. It's an interesting perspective on how minds can work, and some of us just give them the benefit of the doubt. Often for a really long time.

My dh does seem to have cognitive problems caused by who knows what. He forgets things, gets confused, etc. He also generally can't see these things, or says he can't, so like you, I'm concerned about brain function. Despite that, I've learned to back off and take care of myself and my daughter. Brain issues or not, we're still allowed to have strong boundaries. As someone else said, boundaries aren't mean or hurtful. They're about you doing that you need to do to take care of yourself. You have a right to be healthy too!