RD, I posted very quickly last night and am not sure it was very clear that I thought that book might possibly be of interest to you as well. It sounds like you may be a giver while she's a taker, and it's very good at explaining the dynamic and even why it can take many years before one realizes what's going on. I now see smaller signs going back thirty years, though for a long time I thought he was good until just a few years ago. In regard to dementia or other brain issue possibilities, it's sometimes said that when that happens, you will often see existing personality traits exacerbated. I suspect that is what is going on with my DH. Bad personality traits + physiological damage of some kind = a new, worse level of the first. Maybe?

Good luck to you, but please take care of yourself first.