It's been 6 weeks since my last session. In that time i have wondered about going back, simply because i am trying to 'hide away' from the real stuff that has to come out, up to now it's been about getting me stable, some child work which really triggers and sets me back.

I know i have to do this to heal .... i'm just so anxious. My hubby has an interview for a new job today, he really wants this job and i'm routing for him .... i don't want to tell him i'm scared about going alone cos i want him to concentrate completely on his interview without worrying etc ,,,,, truth is, as ridiculous as it sounds, i am scared of driving there and parking and using the parking meter how dumb is that???? What if i can't find a parking space, all these what ifs .... i also have to take the car for a new exhaust today, but i know where to go, what to do and i'm fine ..... just going to therapy and doing something i have never done before is such a big thing ..... how stupid is it? I feel like an idiot. I used to be like this when i was a teen, scared of everything, even getting on a bus!!!!!!

I'm worried about seeing t again too ..... i dont want to just jabber on about inane stuff, but it's all i ever do, like i'm evading the stuff i need to get out. Why is it so hard?

My son is going through very important exams right now and my daughter is looking at accomodation for university, guess i have a lot to think about, may only sound trivial but i worry about them so much. sorry this is so long, woke early and just had to get all this out i suppose, sometimes writing it out empties your head a bit ....... Jinnyann xxxxxx