Quote:
Originally Posted by MuseumGhost
Exactly, rdgrad. It was a very difficult thing to try and "feel" as joyous and celebratory as everyone around me when I was very ill. Making the effort was almost painful.
I've done a lot of reading and self-therapy surrounding my particular diagnoses, and I understand much better where the gradual dislike and discomfort around holidays & birthdays came from. I subsequently have a great deal of compassion and patience for anyone who feels the same way I did when I was in the worst grips of my illnesses.
There are traces of these pains remaining. They bubble up a bit mostly around thoughts of absent loved ones. But that's grief, and it's to be expected.
I still have short bouts of anxiety before every occasion, but I think that will just be me and my worry that people might unexpectedly drop by---and my home is almost never in the condition I wish it was in!
Generally speaking, I enjoy almost all holidays again, thankfully---as I used to when younger.
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Yeah I can understand how people feel when they become depressed or have some sort of dislike towards the holidays. I think it's way more common than people put on and I also notice a sudden rise of genuine happiness when the holidays are over. Feelings of grief and longing for the past are normal during the holidays and are way more common than most people may want to admit. I'm glad you're much better now and are able to enjoy the holidays once again. Forcing happiness when you're miserable is very hard and draining to do.
That seems to be very common during the holidays and it really shows especially when you get older. I will say though that I still allow others to enjoy the holidays and I don't ruin the fun for others. I don't particularly care about the holidays but I'm not one of those people you see from time to time who get verbally combative towards anyone who is happy and loves the holidays since there's nothing good about ruining the fun for others so I keep my feelings to myself when I'm at gatherings during any holiday and even birthdays.