> Would your rather have him assume that you DID do something bad and work from this
> perspective?

I think what I would like is for him to question me more about what I feel, and to start exploring with me where those feelings come from. This way he would reassure me that whatever it is, it can be dealt with when brought into the light. In general, my feeling about mental health professionals is that they want to cover up fears (with medications, for instance), to "make" them go away too quickly, to not want to deal with them.

There is so much I do not remember, and it seems to me I need to start remembering those things to finally discover what it is that I think I did.

I know it would be hard, because I have the feeling that I will be killed if I remember. That is, I have the feeling that it was so bad that it was totally unacceptable, something requiring the death penalty. My mother probably conveyed something to that effect to me, but I just don't remember. I want to and I don't want to remember.