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Christina86 said:
Hey ((((((((taraintx))))))))) welcome to PC.

I totally relate to this part of your post:

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I have an INTENSE fear of abandonment and rejection. What bothers me most about all of this is that I feel like I know what's right, and I can tell when what I'm thinking is irrational, but my emotions ALWAYS end up taking over. It's like I can't control them, and I often feel like my mind is working against me in all of this.

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I really don't have much in the way of advice, except that finding a T you work well with can help sort out the emotional stuff (and other things you've mentioned).

I know you don't want to discuss what you found on this guy's computer, and that's fine... but does he know what you found? Have you discussed this with him? I know it's painful, but trying to be honest in communication and stuff can really help sometimes.

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Welcome to PC! I completely agree with Christina